I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
