WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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