She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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