; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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