his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
