i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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