I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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