They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Green mimosas i think yes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
