There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
