I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
