We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
