Will you blow on my dice?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and she was petting her beer can
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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