Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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