giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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