if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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