I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Where are you guys?
Drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
