I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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