As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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