We won't sleep together?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dick very happy bro
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize