when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
