Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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