thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
