Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
