I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
