You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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