I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
