Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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