I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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