I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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