Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
