This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize