Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
