if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
