I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
