I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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