I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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