The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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