i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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