dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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