Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
