I cockslap morals
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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