dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Couch. On fire.
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