I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
