I wanna passion pit in your ass
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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