my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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