He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
