now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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