420 ftw
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
