I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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