Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
