I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
