Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
