He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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