Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
