someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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