yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
