a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
