u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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