So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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